the conversation about rihanna and chris brown
Ever since the abuse occurred, the media has been fixating on Brown and Rihanna, intent on interpreting each and every one of their actions in light of what they say about Brown’s abuse of Rihanna, or about Rihanna’s recovery from said abuse, or about domestic abuse in general. Nowadays, they’re less important to us as pop stars than as the means by which we have a national conversation about abuse. And that conversation is important. But centering it all on one famous couple distorts the truth, and may prevent people from understanding some key things about abusive relationships.
For starters: Chris Brown is not the only abuser in the world. He’s just one of the most immediately recognizable. Too many people treat Chris Brown as if he is some uniquely monstrous villain; instead of recognizing that abuse is often rooted just as much in cultural norms as in individual psychology (specifically, those cultural norms that say men should be dominant, and respond to perceived threats to their dominance with aggression, and that women’s bodies and lives should be subject to outside control) they make it a conversation about whether he is a bad person. He just might be! But, to minimize or eliminate abuse, we can’t focus on saving each and every individual soul. We have to focus on changing the culture.
Then, there’s the Rihanna coverage. It’s rare to see her name without a mention of the abuse close by. And far too many people feel the need to weight in on whether her actions are “healthy” or “appropriate” or “right” for someone who has been abused – that is to say, whether she’s a good abuse survivor or a bad one.
In conversations about abuse, personal virtue – heck, personality in general – is beside the point. But it keeps getting introduced, and undermining the points at hand. The fact is that abuse is abuse is abuse: even if you are the least likable person in the entire world, it is still wrong for your partner to beat you up. Even if you spend your weekends giving away free puppies and hugs to sad orphans, beating your partner up is still wrong. So, here’s my suggestion: why don’t we stop talking about whether Chris Brown is good or bad, stop talking about whether Rihanna is good or bad, and start talking about abuse itself? Because that’s really bad. And its badness is not mitigated in any way by who does it to whom. (the infinitely wise sady at bitch)
